On the 4th of June I celebrated my 25th birthday. When I was younger, I always wanted to be older, I couldn’t wait. Now that I am midway through my 20’s, it is actually starting to dawn on me how quickly life goes by and those that used to tell me ‘not to wish my life away’ were right. I wanted to take some pictures on my birthday just so I had something to remember it by and I also wanted to share the day with you. When I was looking through them, of the ones of me, I felt really sad at first.
On my birthday, I put together an outfit very last minute, as everything else I had bought for the occasion either didn’t fit or didn’t suit. I am going to be filming a ‘weight loss update’ video soon for my YouTube channel, but I will briefly touch upon the subject here. Last August, I fell off my diet and since then my weight has just gone up and up. I know it is different for every one, and I wish that what I am about to say wasn’t true, but my weight and the way I look has a massive effect on my self confidence. I have tried, whilst I have been bigger, to rock outfits and feel confident, sexy and comfortable in my own skin. Then, I will catch a glimpse of myself out of the corner of my eye and realise I look a lot bigger than what I see standing in front of my mirror. It is time for a change, and I have already started a new diet and excersising, (more in the video) but it took me a long time to realise it for myself. Deep down, I knew I shouldn’t be eating the way I was, but I couldn’t stop myself. The photos that were taken of me on my birthday were the final push I needed.
I had spent a good couple of hours getting ready – hair, outfit, makeup, the lot. I felt amazing. I was happy with how I looked from the minute my birthday BBQ started to when it finished. Then I looked at the photos the next day and had thoughts like, “OMG that top makes my boobs look huge”, “How many chins?!”, “All I can see is my stomach”. I almost deleted every single photo. I just couldn’t deal with how big I looked, how much weight I have put on. Then I shook myself and told myself I was being ridiculous. I chose to eat the food I did, I chose not to go on walks or go to the gym. I had chosen to dress up that day and celebrate my birthday. 4 stone or 40, I was so happy that day. Why, then, the next day should I make myself feel terrible by picking at a million things I could possibly find wrong with a photo of myself. It is important to document those happy days and this was one of them for me. Having faith and confidence in myself shouldn’t just be when I have a face full of makeup on and have had a couple of glasses of wine. Why can’t I look at photos of myself and just appreciate the way I looked at that moment, the effort I had put in to make myself feel good and remember fondly of the time spent with my family. Now I realise I can do just that, and go one step further and share them with you. No, I am not entirely happy with the way I look, I see myself as a big girl who doesn’t want to be, who is miserable being the size she is. But, I also see someone who is smiling, content with her fashion choices and enjoying herself. I hope that is the side you can recognise too.
I spent my birthday with family in our back garden, enjoying the best BBQ Tommy could have put together. We ate, drank, laughed and danced and had a wonderful day. I also got very spoiled with presents! (You can see what I got for my birthday by clicking here). The next day, we got on a tram and went to one of my favourite places in Blackpool for tapas and cocktails. We sat in the sunshine and had another, really lovely family day. It was the best birthday I have had in a long time.
I hope you enjoyed seeing what I got up to on my birthday! I will list as many of the items I wore down below as I can for you. I hope you can understand what I was getting at towards the beginning of this post. I suppose I just want to tell you all, that no matter what your size, you have to believe that you are beautiful, because you are. Instead of looking for negatives, find the positives, not just in how you look but in everything. I have made the decision to share these photos because I am just a normal girl. My weight goes up and down, and with it, so does my confidence. Last year I was fitting into size 12 clothes, now not many of my 14’s fit me – it is a squeeze! I will never be stick thin, or a size 8, I am a curvy girl who will always have to watch what she eats. That is no reason not to love myself or live my life to the full.
As always, know your worth,
ALF x
OUTFITS
Black Top (can only find grey or cream online)
Shoes – River Island a couple of years ago
Black off the shoulder top – ASOS last year
Shoes – River Island a couple of years ago
Bag – Primark
Just wanted to say that you looked gorgeous and have no need to worry, although at the same time I know how you are feeling. I struggle with liking anything about the way I look and having my photos taken, which I have decided after reading this needs to change. I have very few photos of me and my 3 year old son together, I don’t want him looking back at photos when he’s older wondering where his mummy was xXx
Author
Thank you so much for your comment Fiona, it means so much. I am so happy that my words may have had some effect on you, it is so important that you love the body you are in. Make those memories x
Hi Amy
I love your Blog/Vlog and im watching your videos daily on my lunch break.
You are so inspirational and reading this blog has been great. I am on slimming world and almost at target but i am never happy or confident in my appearance and rarely have photo’s taken as i am always picking faults about myself but after reading this im gonna try and change my thoughts. So thank you so much xx
Author
Thank you so much, that is lovely! Life is too short to worry about how we look every second of every day, it is about much more than that. Once you start getting more confident in front of the camera, you soon won’t remember what the problem was in the first place!
All I see is a beautiful girl with a great sense of style and a loving family. xx
Author
Thank you so, so much x
You looked lovely darling, you have nothing to worry about! Hope you had an amazing day 🙂 xx
Kristy
http://www.misskristyanna.com
Author
Thank you so much!
I think you look really beautiful! I love all of your outfits but the last one, especially! You and your sisters are very pretty girls xx
Beautylymin
Author
Thank you lovely!
You look absolutely lovely Amy and you looked like you had a wonderful birthday. I like your blog and videos as you represent all of us real women and you are really relatable. ?
Author
Thank you so much, that is lovely of you x
Author
Thank you so much lovely, that means an awful lot. Life is too short to let the little things trip us up, we need all of our energy for the good times!
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