Amy Farquhar

Bikini Body Confidence

Bikini Body Confidence

The inspiration to write this post came whilst I was led in a bikini in Mykonos in the glorious sunshine, feeling like a beached whale. I leant over to Tommy to tell him I wanted to write something like this and call it ‘Bikini Body Confidence’ & realised as was saying the sentence that I didn’t have much of either – the bikini body or the confidence! I don’t really have any idea where this post is going to end up, I haven’t planned it, so I guess we will have to wait and see! When I joined a Slimming World group in July my main focus was this holiday. I am currently sat on our balcony overlooking the Aegan Sea in Mykonos, feeling very lucky and happy to be here.

 

Thursday was our first day sat by the pool and I had been worrying about getting into my bikini since we arrived. I have done quite well on Slimming World for the last couple of months but I am still nowhere near where I want to be. Nails painted, hair in a top knot, body perfectly groomed and pretty bikini on. I was ready to lie poolside and catch some rays. That may have been what it looked like to a passerby. For me, it was never going to be that easy.

 

When I am on holiday in a hot country I like to sunbathe to the point where I get so hot that I need to have a dip in the pool to cool off. Nothing too out of the ordinary. Once I have got suitably warm enough, I have realised it takes me quite a while to get myself to the pool. Firstly, I have to scour the vicinity and see who I have to walk past before I can get in the pool. I might wait for one of them to go to the bar, or turn over, to save themselves having to see me in my bikini. Once I have built up enough courage to actually stand up, and pull my bikini bottoms up over my tummy, just to have it flop back down again, I try to do my best Bond girl along the poolside to the pool steps. That’s it, I have made it! I have overcome what fears I had, I haven’t even forced Tommy to come and get in the pool with me. All I have to do is climb down the steps and then I will be in the pool cooling down, having that relaxing holiday swim I have been so anxiously awaiting.

 

One hand on the railing of the steps, one foot on a step and the steps themselves come out of the floor, giving way and leaving me to fall inelegantly into the pool with a look of sheer embarrassment on my face. What a way to make the nervous curvy girl feel even more nervous about getting into the pool! At this point I looked at Tommy to which he shrugged, and I just decided to act like there weren’t a whole bunch of people staring at me and casually started swimming. All I could think was, “I broke the steps, trust me to pull the steps out of the ground”. Why me? My heart was racing. How was I supposed to get out? There were of course another set of steps at the other end of the pool but that would mean walking past a lot more people than I had anticipated when deciding to get into the pool in the first place. Luckily I had Tommy to come and meet me with a towel. Another humiliation, the girl that broke the steps needs her husband to meet her with a towel so she can get out of the pool. Bless.

 

After I had calmed myself and tried to reassure myself that the steps must have been loose for some time, I told a member of staff the steps were broken as I would have felt awful if the same thing happened to somebody else. “Oh yes, the steps were broken yesterday, we are waiting for them to be fixed.” I could feel my eyes widening in disbelief. Would it have been too much trouble to PUT UP A SIGN?! Crikey. At least it wasn’t my body weight alone that pulled the metal things out of the ground. I then spent the next two days hiding on our balcony and using the Hot Tub to cool down…

 

So, with occasions such as this, is it any wonder I have low self confidence when it comes to getting into a swimming pool in a bikini, being the curvy, sized 14 girl that I am? I start off by telling myself I am a confident, beautiful woman who shouldn’t worry about people looking at me a certain way or judging me. Most of the people I am worrying about probably don’t look at me or give me a second thought. So why can’t I be that confident, beautiful girl I so want to be? I am trying so hard but I can’t seem to let go of the fear and just be comfortable in my own skin. Perhaps by the time this holiday comes to an end I might have conjured up a little more courage and walk along the poolside as if I have no worries in the world. Here’s hoping.

 

ALF x

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98 Comments

  1. WhatLydDid
    September 6, 2015 / 5:39 pm

    I’m a size 10, so I look slim, but in a bikini I know that everyone can see my bloated tummy and horrendous cellulite. I used to starve myself all day on holiday to avoid the dreaded food baby! I don’t think any woman actually feels 100% confident in a bikini, because we’re all scared that we’re being judged by other women, when in actual fact we’re all just worrying about ourselves. You’ve worked hard for this holiday, so relax and enjoy it!

    Reply
    • admin
      September 8, 2015 / 6:52 pm

      Thank you 🙂 It is definitely personal to everybody! I think you are completely right about us all being worried about something or other! I was a bit more confident today by the pool than I was yesterday so that is progress! Thank you for reading x

      Reply
  2. kate
    September 10, 2015 / 9:35 am

    hi I have nominated you for a Liebster award , see my latest post for details.
    love Kate

    Reply
  3. Pingback: Mykonos in Pictures | A Holiday to Remember | Amy Farquhar | Beauty and Lifestyle Blogger

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