I find the words, ‘goals’ and ‘resolutions’ absolutely terrifying. The pressure that comes with both of them, especially when discussed at the beginning of a New Year is so daunting. I can’t go there. Goals are something which I never set myself because honestly I don’t like failing. I often have ideas about things I would like to happen – if they happen then it’s bloody brilliant. If they don’t then they were never ‘goal’ in the first place. It’s a win win really. It isn’t a lack of ambition but rather lack of self confidence and belief. A New Year’s resolution is something I haven’t set myself since the year I vowed to give up chocolate, (as if that was ever going to happen).
So instead, here is a list of things I don’t want for 2018. Now, obviously, there are more serious things which I definitely do not want to happen, but on a more light hearted note, see below.
- I’d like to not begin the New Year with a £400 laptop bill. £377.14 to be precise. (This one is still very raw and still very much stinging).
- I don’t want my prints, photo frames or anything else meant to hang on a wall to sit on the floor collecting dust for months before they go up on said walls.
- I’d prefer the dogs to stop pooping inside. Mainly Jasper. It happens when he gets picked up or is surprised. It isn’t all that convenient. Especially when one slips through a gap in their toy crate and, well you can imagine.
- I don’t want it to continue to take me 436 years to get back to messages and emails.
- I’d rather not have a stack of books I don’t read. Looming over me and making me feel A) uneducated for not reading them and B) guilty for choosing a screen and scrolling over a book.
- I’d be happy not to have another root canal. This one isn’t just for 2018.
- I don’t want another failed attempt at trying to like avocado. Never. Going. To. Happen.
- I don’t want to empty the fire embers into a bag full of holes. This happened twice last year. That’s two times too many.
- We had to replace 4 home appliances last year. If all the others would like to last a little longer that’d be fab.
- I probably shouldn’t get so cross with Tommy about his beard hair in the sink. But honestly. How does he not see it?
- Talking facial hair, I really don’t want mine to grow at an even more rapid rate than it does now. I’m sure someone waters them in the night forcing them to sprout at an unreasonable pace.
- I don’t want to stop being asked for ID. Flatter me until I am at least 30, please.
- I’d appreciate the heating controls not being left until mid December to be updated. i.e. when everything has already frozen over. Including my nips.
- I don’t want to lose every receipt ever known to man to then have to replace stuff for shit.
- I’d like for our garden not to be a mud bath. As some of you will know we extended it this year and ever since it has been a mud bath.
- I’d like not to paint a room to then have the whole of the extended bit of the garden, (sodden, muddy, over grown bits of garden) to be brought through that room, covering it in sodden, muddy, over grown bits of garden.
- I’d also like not to clean said mud off of the walls and doors with a bleach based product, (never buying Flash again) to then turn the varnished doors a bright shade of yellow. Not entirely the look I was going for.
- And last but certainly not least, I don’t want to buy one more single thing that requires hand washing. Our dishwasher may as well be redundant at this rate.
There you have them. A bunch of things I’d rather didn’t happen in 2018. I’d say I’m onto a good year if even half of the above don’t occur! I hope your 2018 is full of adventure, love and slower growing facial hair.